An Undefined Feeling
I’m currently sitting in my car outside of work, building up the energy to drive home. Before that, I was sitting in the break room, devouring the last of a quart of plain yogurt with some honey very generously drizzled on top. Before that, I had spent the last hour obsessively checking my watch every 5 minutes. An hour before quitting time, an hour had seemed like an interminably long period of time. It was hard to believe that I had already worked seven of these today; now they expect me to work one more?
It wasn’t that I was tired. Not exactly, at least. Or hungry. I enjoyed the yogurt, but I didn’t really NEED it. I just have this undefinable feeling. I’ve felt it for the last two or three days, I think. And I don’t know what it is or how to describe it.
But the last few days when I’ve gotten home from work, someone would ask me how my day had been, and I would literally not have an answer. The whole day was a blur in my memory. I went to work and I did things and I came home. And it wasn’t even that work had been so terribly busy or difficult. It just felt disconnected. Maybe this is what brain fog feels like? Except the only things that are foggy are the things not in front of me—I can deal perfectly well with the situations at hand; it’s only when I try to think of things that are not in the here and now that I struggle.
I do have a couple of ideas as to the cause. The first is my diet. I’m still on the GAPS intro diet with my family, and that has had definite consequences on my body. Hopefully it’s doing good things to my gut and digestive system (I’m pretty sure it is), but in the meantime, the lack of carbs is taking a toll on my weight. In the course of two weeks I’ve dropped 6 pounds. Which normally would be pretty great, except that I started below 150. Being 141 lbs is not healthy for my age, but it’s just so hard to keep on weight when I’m only eating vegetables and meats (and now yogurt).
My second thought is my caffeine intake. Coffee isn’t typically on this stage of the GAPS diet, but I’m allowing it at certain times. I was only having it once or twice a week, but this past weekend I had it four days in a row. And during those four days, I felt GREAT! This current slump that I’m in really started on the first day that I was not consuming caffeine. So my theory is that it’s taking my body a little bit to get used to not drinking coffee. And my diet is definitely not helping in that department either (though, like I said: that one is almost certainly going to be a worthwhile sacrifice in the end).
So, that’s my best attempt at explaining and describing my current feelings. Some very good friends told me a couple months ago that I should work on that skill, so now I’m glad to have a place to do that.
-Jakobus