Thoughts the night before a wedding
I just got back from a wedding rehearsal. I was asked last minute to be a stand-in groomsman, and I happily obliged. The bride is a good friend of mine, and the groom seems like a fine fellow.
Before I get into my feelings, first a couple notes about the evening:
a) the venue is amazing. It’s legitimately in a castle. Like, for real. So the ambiance is mildly surreal.
b) the wedding isn’t very organized. Maybe you could have guessed that by the fact that they needed me to fill in as groomsman (the bride and groom didn’t realize that they had a mismatch in numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen until two weeks before the wedding) that this wouldn’t be the most organized of experiences. To be fair, I suppose, they don’t have massive amounts of time in which to get organized. Their whole engagement has only been a month or two long. But still.
c) it’s fun to see my friends get married—especially ones who never thought they’d get married (and to be fair, I wondered a bit myself). It’s good to see them happy.
d) there were so many young families at the rehearsal with babies! Several of the wedding party had small children, and it made me realize that much of my friend group is getting married and settling down. As someone there said: “you know it’s time to get married when all your friends start having kids.”
And that leads to the thoughts I’m now having. Because, while I know I spoke pretty strongly about not understanding why anyone would want to get married in my previous post, I find myself yearning.
I just want to sit and talk with the woman I love late into the night—trying to understand her and conversely letting her see into my soul. I just want her to sit by my side and put her head on my shoulder as we stare into the darkening dusk.
On the drive home, I was trying to deal with these emotions (though I hadn’t processed them yet), which manifested as me driving fast and cornering at excessive speeds. I just felt a pressure inside me that maybe a thrilling drive could let out. It didn’t really help (the drive was fun, though—until I passed a cop and that sobered me up. He didn’t pull me over, but it did bring down my speed). So I’m left with the feelings and the almost physical pressure of yearning.
All of this to say, maybe I can understand a little of why people fall in love. And maybe, just maybe, someday soon that’ll be me.